I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
