trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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