this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am spending my child support on dildos
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
