You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
