so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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