I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
