I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
