Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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