Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Randomize
