I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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