"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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