Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
