Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
