Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
