I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i think my cat just said my name.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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