dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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