I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
