just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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