Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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