he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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