Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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