I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
