Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
