whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
