You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
