Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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