If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
