i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
