he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
