Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
