I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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