How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
