At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Terrible idea I love it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.