That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE