i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.