I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
