I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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