...so i touched it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
