you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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