Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
