So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
