I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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