i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
