I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize