Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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