She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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