I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You pole danced in your parka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
