What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
