Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
