Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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