he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
