Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
