So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
