I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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