I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
