she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize