I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
