i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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