just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
