worst night to have a conscience
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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