I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life