I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running