My first STD was from a foam party
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."