I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
