"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.