she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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