when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't deserve a penis
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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