so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
