you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
