These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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