She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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