Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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