do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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